Ouch

Well, I never said I wasn't a procrastinator. I suppose at this point it's safe to say that I've been running amuck. Oh yeah, definitely! However, all this time between posts has actually taken me out there only to bring me right back around to where I started. I wish I could say that time has made me wiser, isn't that how it's supposed to be? Uh huh, sure it is. Right, I'll keep that in mind next time I step out into the world as we know it. Okay, okay, I guess that's quite enough of this line of commiserating. I wonder if I can commiserate with myself. Is that possible? Oh who knows, and honestly is it really important in the grand scheme of things? Noooooo!

Apparently I have to keep making the same mistakes over and over just so I can repeat the lessons over and over. It would be much easier if these lessons would come in the same form everytime, but noooo, seems the universe likes to sneak in the same lesson when I'm not looking and seeing it as the same thing I already flunked before. Kinda' like a pop quiz or something. Ooh I always hated those dumb pop quizzes!!

So, let's see, what have I learned yet again. I suppose I didn't learn it that well the first bunch of times or I wouldn't have to go through it again. Yeah, that's one thing. If I had actually lived what I learned continuously, instead of losing balance and and coming up short of the lesson, I would be so free and clear of it and could move along! Yeah, that too. The big thing is this (again)....

I need to let others learn their own lessons. You see, I have this huge problem with watching deceitfulness, injustices, hurtfulness, you get the picture. When it comes to people I love, this is magnified to the infinite. I want to protect, save, keep from harm, again, you see what I'm saying. I must, absolutely MUST, let people learn what they need to learn (or not) to grow. The ones that are on the giving end as well as on the receiving end of these situations.
I need to learn this, I need to LIVE this all the time. ALL the time. I suffer greatly watching this happen to people, and yet, though I love them, the greatest love is to let them fly, grow, learn. I suffer for them, now that's quite stupid in my book! Empathise yes, Suffer no. It is wasted energy, misguided love, and needless suffering. Hey, this isn't easy by any means, no doubt that's why I keep slipping back into it. Now that I have actually written it down maybe I will retain it better. Hmmmm, we'll see. I'm sure gonna' give it the old college try!

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Challenge #2

I think we'll all agree that times are hard and getting harder.  The economic situation looks pretty bleak right now.  The company I work for is struggling to keep it's doors open.   I honestly don't know what's going to happen.  I do know that we should reach out and help each other the best we can, now more than ever.  It only makes sense that "we" and  "us" are going to be able to do more than "I" and "me", right?  If you aren't at least a little frightened now, you should be.  Probably a little more than a little.  This coming from me, well, let's just say that people tend to lean toward the, "will she ever take those rose colored glasses off she's been staring through all her life?" when they think about me.  So, this coming from me, who's only peeking over the top of those rosy shades, should get you to sit up a bit straighter.

On behalf of all of us, I challenge you...

Are ya' ready out there big world in a pickle jar?  Let's make it a sweet pickle, ok?  No, no, that's not the challenge.   This is.  

First, remember we're all in this together.   Being kinder to our fellow strugglers would go a long way at anytime, but especially right now.   If you can't help in any way other than to be gentler, kinder, more compassionate and forgiving to everyone, trust me, that is often much more difficult, than anything monetary.  

However, we do depend on the almighty dollar for important things too.  Keep in mind, no amount of those dollars can buy what I have asked us to be for one another in the previous paragraph.  It is a fact that some of us have more than others in the material way.  Let's spread that around, okay?  Most of us don't need half of what we have kept in those closets, the basement, or the cookie jar.    The rest of us could use twice as much as what we have in the closet, the backpack, or the pocket.  

I say again, let's spread it out a little more evenly.  You see, no matter what you have, or don't have, we all have something to give.  

I challenge us all to do what we can to make this situation easier for all of us.  I know it may not be easy, but I'm with ya' so let's do it.   Please write and tell me about your experiences, on the giving and receiving end, because each of us is on both ends!

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

The Challenge. #1

Tomorrow is Monday!   Oh whoopie,  so here's the challenge.   For one day, smile at everyone you see, pass by, talk to, or in any way come in contact with, even if you're just passing them on the street.     SMILE!  Is the person checking you out at the grocery practially growling at you when he takes your money?  Smile.   Maybe he was up all night with a sick baby.   Did the person you just pass on the sidewalk almost knock you down?  Smile.   Maybe she just got word a loved one is in the hospital and she's rushing to get there.    Did a co-worker you really don't care for snap at you for what seemed like no reason?  Smile.  Maybe she hasn't heard  from her child in several weeks who's away fighting a war for us.  You see what I'm getting at.  SMILE!

I'm not in any way condoning these behaviours, and chances are these people and lots of others are just plain in a bad mood, but you never know, and  maybe a sympathetic or cheerful smile will improve their mood in some way.  Let me assure you, it will definitely improve yours.  

Maybe throw in a nice word here and there, or you might ask if there's something you can do to help,  or whatever you think would be appropriate at the time, I say, Oh Yes, Go For It!!

This may sound pretty easy, but it can be extremely challenging at times.  I do ask that you not smile as if you just got out of the looney bin, on your first day pass without supervision.   I know you all are wise enough to use your good judgement, however, let me just say that if you smile at someone and they ask in a voice straight out of Dirty Harry,"What are you smilin' at?" or worse, they say,"Go ahead, make my day!"  My suggestion is to, well......... RUN!       

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Happy Holidays

I'm being politically correct here, which to me is kinda' silly.  No, it's actually extremely silly to me.  I wrote Merry Christmas as the title, then thought, uh oh I'd better write Happy Holidays so I don't affend anyone.  Honestly, has it come down to this in just about everything we say and do these days?  Apparently we as a whole don't have much of a sense of humor anymore, or at the very least we're way too sensitive!  If someone said to me,"Happy Honuka", I wouldn't be affended at all.  I personally celebrate Christmas, but I know they aren't being snide, they are simply wishing me Merry Christmas (or Happy Holidays) in there own way.  What is wrong with that?  

Why is everything taken so seriously these days that we must all be politically correct, or suffer the consequences?  My parents taught me to be tactful, and I think that should be plenty good enough for all of us.  Some people are going to be unpleasant, and some downright mean, however most of us don't hurt peoples' feelings on purpose.  Most of us feel terrible if we inadvertently hurt someones feelings, and try our best to make it up to them.  Hey, c'mon, is all this hurt really necessary?  Your feelings are hurt because I said something that is now considered politically incorrect, and I feel terrible because I certainly didn't mean to hurt your feelings at all!  I know when to say some things and when not to, what things are hurtful, and what aren't, but when it comes down to censoring nearly everything I say because it's been put up as something that it's not (as in politically incorrect), I just can't do it.  I do mean can't, not won't.  (Well, won't too, I suppose).

I was about to ask who started this PC stuff, but I went to Wiki instead, and just in case anyone else is wondering I put it below for reference.  Now my question is this:  before all this PC stuff we were doing pretty well.  Sure, some things were hurtful, but I'd like to think we were smart enough to know what they were, and unless we wanted to hurt someone, we didn't say them.  So here comes this snowball effect beginning with a little red book, to the left, then to the right, in the United States, and no doubt beyond.  It's like someone comes along and says we are just too ignorant to know what is offensive and what isn't.  I'm truly insulted by that, and you should be too.   Uh, excuse me, when did we stop thinking for ourselves about daily conversations?

Yes, I'm ranting I guess, and I don't do it often, believe me.  What brought this on was I was with family celebrating Christ-mas and one of my brothers on the other side of the room (so I don't know what started it) said something about the fact that (somewhere), sorry, I don't remember where he said, people are not "allowed" to say (because it's politically incorrect) now get this... are you ready?  HO HO HO!  Why you ask?  Well because it's considered degrading to women of course.  Whether this is a joke or true, it certainly should give a person pause, don't you think?

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Political correctness (adjectivally, politically correct; both forms commonly abbreviated to PC) is a term applied to language, ideas, policies, or behavior seen as seeking to minimize offense to gender, racial, cultural, disabled, aged or other identity groups. Conversely, the term "politically incorrect" is used to refer to language or ideas that may cause offense or that are unconstrained by orthodoxy.

Ruth Perry traces the term back to Mao's Little Red Book. According to Perry, the term was later adopted by the radical left in the 1960s, initially seriously and later ironically, as a self-criticism of dogmatic attitudes. In the 1990s, because of the term's association with radical politics and communist censorship, it was used by the political right in the United States to try to discredit the Old and New Left.^[1]

The term itself and its usage are controversial. The term "political correctness" is used almost exclusively in a pejorative sense,^[2][1] while "politically incorrect" is commonly used as an implicitly positive self-description, as in the series of "Politically Incorrect Guides", produced byconservative publisher Regnery^[3] and the talk show Politically Incorrect.

Some commentators have argued that the term "political correctness" is a straw man used by conservatives in the 1990s in order to challenge leftist social change, especially with respect to issues of race, religion and gender.^{[2][4][5][6][7]}

My Number

For quite a long time now, I've had a number.  222

This is my number because when I look at the clock it's often there, or the coffee machine, microwave, license plates, on tv, the newspaper, maybe someone says something with 222 in it.  

A random address I may look at in passing, how much an item costs in the store or restaurant, on a sign or billboard.  The list goes on and on.  Yep 222 is constantly haunting me.  

What does it mean?  A couple of years ago I decided it wasn't a lucky number.  This year 222 has been in my face usually several times a day.  Does it seem more prevailant because I'm subconciously looking for it?  Well, I just don't know, but I think I've figured out what it means to me.

  

This may sound a bit morbid, but I don't mean for it to.  I think it's a heads up that I'm going to die on February, 22 (02/22).  Who knows what year.  A couple of friends of mine, when I told them that's what I thought, said perhaps it meant dying in the year 2022.  I've always hoped to have some sort of warning when I'd be leaving this earth so as to have the time to get my affairs in order.  Sad but true.  I'm so unorganized that, no matter what I do, I stay that way.  I'd also like the heads up so that I would do some of things I've put off doing.  Yes, add procrastinator to unorganized.  

Think about how idiotic that sounds, will ya'?  I have the time now to get organized and do things I've put off.   Honestly, does that sound right to you?  Instead of enjoying the last days of my life here on Mother Earth in peace and harmony, with loved ones, making sure they know how much I love them (another something I should be doing every day anyway) apparently I'd rather wait until I'm just about to die and worry myself to death (pun definitely intended) trying to get things done. 

I suppose if I would keep this in mind, and do a little everyday towards being organized and not putting things off, then when my number is up, I'll  have smooth sailing in my last days and into the beautiful afterlife.  Not to mention I won't have to worry about what my loved ones will find in this mess once I'm gone!

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Don't burn bridges

What is it that seems to bring out past men in my life in the winter time?  I don't know if I said that right or not, but anyway.....

In the past week and a half I've gotten e-mails from a very sweet man I went out with a few times about 3 1/2 or 4 years ago, I've had calls from a man who lived with me for about 7 years, and that was........ready for this?  That was 20 years ago.  My ex husband, whom I was divorced from in 2000 suddenly decided to actually be nice to me!  So, you get the idea.

It's very strange indeed, and this happens pretty much every year.  I have to admit it's a boost to my deflated ego, however these are past relationships that didn't work out.  Perhaps it's just that we weren't meant to be together, but friends always.  Maybe the cold weather and the prospect of being cooped up inside brings out the urge to want to snuggle through the winter.  You know, like bears.  Hmmm, well let me say this right here, right now, I have in the past fallen for that urge only to find come spring they hit the ground running!!!

So, though it's really nice to hear from these guys, I've learned that some things are better left alone, like snuggling with the past.  It is a lesson in not burning bridges though, because it's nice to know that I'm still thought of, and thought of affectionately by so many people, years later.

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, what a perfect day to write something here!  I am thankful for my family, my friends, and every moment from the time I first peeked out of my mother's womb (ok, so I came into this world with eyes clenched shut and my mouth wide open screaming for mercy and the doctor to put me back).  Anyway, I'm thankful for every good, bad, joyful, painful, blissful, agonizing, beautiful moment for the simple reason that through those I am where I am now in my life, and honestly, it's a pretty good place to be.  

I am so blessed.

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Random

Obviously I haven't been very disciplined about writing in this blog.  So much and so little has been going on.  In other words, I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever.  That said, let's see...  Yesterday, my day off, a friend and I rode out into the countryside to see the beautiful changing colors.  It was a wonderful day.  Fresh air, sunshine, colors, it was great.  

Today, on my way home from work I smelled leaves burning.  Ah, I love the smell of leaves burning in the fall.  Another hint of childhood long past, when I used to help my Dad rake them up into a big pile only to jump in them with my brothers and spread them all over again.  Finally we would rake them into a line along the side of the road and Dad would light them, and the smell was perfect.  We can't burn them now, just bag them up.  Which brings me back to turning onto my street and smelling leaves...burning.  I never saw where they were, but I didn't need to.  The brief moment in time was spellbinding, and I enjoyed every second.

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Heat

I turned the heat on for the first time last night.  Oh how I love the smell of the heat the first time it's turned on!  I think it must remind me of being a kid, and no real worries.  When we used to actually get a bunch of snow, and sledding, and snow days, yippee no school!  Yep, for a few brief moments every year when I kick that old heater on for the first time, I'm transported back to my childhood days.  I still love the snow although we don't get much here anymore.  I still make snow angels and snowmen and snowballs.  I can wake up and smell the snow if it's out there.  Here's hoping for a good ol' big snow this year!

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Change of plans.......

So I haven't written since Monday, huh.  I just realized that coincides with the last time I saw someone very special to me.  Someone that I love.  Leave it to writing in this blog to see that. This blog was originally intended for positive thoughts only.  I suppose it really doesn't matter what I write as long as I come away learning something about myself, life, love and any of the other mysteries we encounter each and every day.  I'm going to be realistic here, I doubt I'll always learn something, I suspect I may just go off on some tangent here and there, so what. After all that is a part of life, right?  No harm, no foul.  

I guess by now it's pretty obvious I haven't been paying attention to what really matters.  I get so frustrated with myself when that fact dawns on me.  Naturally what follows frustration is a short but heavy dose of self pity.   Then a burst of the blues.  Oh this is such an ugly picture I'm painting I can hardly stand to write it.  I'm going to take that as a good sign.  First, I'm definitely human.  Second, it's right here for me to refer back to when I begin that vicious little cycle of self inflicted gloom and doom.  

So, here's a little thought.  I won't keep a journal for fear someone will find it and read it.  However, I'll write on the internet where the whole world can see it.  I realize this would be a more interesting thought if even part of the city were reading it, but alas, it's my little secret. Now if I begin to really start pouring out what's on my mind, as it's very possible I will, well hmmm, that should be interesting.  For now, I'm hiding in plain sight, or should I say writing in plain sight!

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS 

Kind of a strange day

Today was a little strange because I was out marketing instead of in the office. Now I would think this would give me a whole lot more opportunity to pay attention to my moments, and more moments to pay attention to. Quite the contrary! I was doing what I don't normally do and it threw me off. This is not exactly what I had in mind when I headed out this morning. I will now start taking into consideration that I am a creature of habit, therefore when I do something I don't normally do, I will simply have to remind myself more often to pay attention.

I had lunch with a friend and we were in the park talking. All of a sudden he looks around and says,"there's a lot of leaves falling". I said,"yes and I really have to keep an eye on them to see them change colors because it has happened to me before that by the time I remembered to look, or the day that I forgot, the leaves had already fallen". I don't want to miss them this year. He used my very own words back to me, "I guess you better pay attention then".

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

I let yesterday run out on me.

I said I would write something everyday.  Well, obviously I didn't get it in yesterday and I'm ashamed of myself.  I've finished beating myself up though, so let's move on.

Today everything was just so blatently obvious that paying attention really wasn't an issue. However, I do tend to get caught in that little deception and most likely missed moments when I was only enjoying the obvious and not paying attention to the not so obvious.

I went to my nephews' football game, he's 8, and I got lots of sun and fresh air, and hollering in.  

That's an obvious one.

My niece came over after and we had girls day.  We made dinner together and it was lovely.

That's an obvious one.

I was sitting at a stop light with all windows open, which included my sunroof.  I looked up and there were a bunch of birds on the wire right over the top of my car.  I was thinking it was kind of creepy when all of a sudden one of those birds decided to bombard my car.  Now the beauty of this is that it hit my windshield instead of coming in my sunroof and on me!

That's a not so obvious one.

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

I woke up

Yep, I woke up, and I'm alive!

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Senses

Today I wasn't in my normal office, I was covering for someone in our other office, and I didn't think it would be very nice to put a bunch of post its on Debis' computer.  Go figure, it was sooooo busy and I was paying attention alright, but not to much besides work.  Now, we all have to buckle down sometimes and do what we have to do, so I'm not going to beat myself up, I'm being realistic.

Here's the thing though.  This morning (surprise, surprise) I was walking to the car paying attention so I didn't miss one of my moments.  Nothing to see.  Well then I heard this bird start singing.  It was such a sweet sound.  I realized I had only been using one of my senses, seeing. Hmph, I felt a little discouraged by the fact that I've probably been missing alot.  No, I said to myself, this is a learning experience.  All this means is that I am learning!  Now there's an attention getter.

I had to go out and turn the lights off in a vehicle, and I suddenly smelled the most wonderful aroma.  I think it may have been doughnuts or something.  Anyway, it smelled excellent.  Bingo, two senses I had not been including in my daily quest to pay attention.  

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

I see a pattern

It seems as if I begin the day all full of attention and then as the day progresses I lose focus in the midst of the daily grind.  This is considered "normal".  Well, I'm not doing this for the sake of normalcy, so this is a reminder to myself to pay attention throughout the entire day, not just before and after the hustle and bustle.  In fact, I suppose I may have to put post it notes on my computer at work so I remember.  Sounds kinda' pitiful to have to do that, but whatever works!  

So, P.S.... pay attention post its on the computer it is. 

This morning, when I was getting ready for work, there was the biggest, brightest full moon shining in my window.  If it hadn't been dark outside I might have mistaken it for the sun! Okay, maybe not, but it was bright.  Driving to work I was headed toward the bold orange sun coming up, and low and behold that big beautiful full moon was going down behind me.  They were both up there hanging around whispering sweet nothings to each other across the sky, happy that they had the chance to visit.   All I really have to say about this is that it was very cool and I'm glad I was paying attention.

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS

Looking on the bright side

Well okay then!  Now that I'm on this mission, of sorts, it's getting interesting to me.  I was walking to my car this morning and a little baby rabbit ran right in front of my feet.  Now, I'm a big animal lover, and since I live in the city I don't get to see a lot of cute little critters, besides squirells of course. Seeing this little guy run right in front of me just brought a smile to my face and lots of talking to him.  I told him to stay out of the street, it's dangerous, and some other "oh you're so cute," kind of talk.  I started to open the car door and he started toward the curb as if to jump in the street in front of my car!  I told him not to but he wouldn't listen, I think he was hoping for some more,"aren't you adorable" talk.  He just stood there staring at me from the edge of the street as if to say, "I'm going to do it, I'm really going to do it, and you can't stop me!" Finally, after a slow, half hearted footchase, he went far enough into the yard and I could leave for work, although now I'm running a little late! 

On my way to work, I think, P.S.... Pay Attention!   I look out of my open sunroof and there is this huge beautiful bird soaring.  Soar, big wing flap, long soar, big wing flap, it was almost as if it were in slow motion.  I'm sitting at the red light watching this bird soar and all of a sudden these two pigeons start attacking it!  Big bird flies a little faster, and the pigeons chase him and try to knock him right out of the sky!   I watched them until the light turned green and I had to be on my way.   

I got to work, a bit late, but it was alright.  It was also pay day!  There is a new schedule (again) and all our hours have been cut, but not by much.  

I admit (and this is the point of this blog) that the rest of the day I was on auto pilot.  I was NOT paying attention.  I can look back at the day, and think about this or that happening, but those are the moments that I missed.  I can only think about them as I remember them now, but I'll never know what it would've been like to actually have lived them.

So...

Today there was  Thumper, the little bunny that wanted to play chicken with cars.  There was also Big Bird, who was bombarded by two kamikazi pigeons.  I now have a few more hours a week to spend with my dogs, or clean the house (uh, maybe), and visit with my Mom and Dad, who are getting pretty old and fragile.  

There is a bright side to everything if we pay attention long enough to find it.

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS 

Here we go!

On my way to work this morning I looked up to see the dark night sky melting away to reveal a clear blue sky with pinkish orange, puffy clouds.  No sun yet,  but the promise of a new day and another chance to do it right was shining bright.

It doesn't get any better than that!

PS